So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
