i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
