Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Randomize
