When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
