I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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