wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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