Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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