I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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