i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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