Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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