taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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