well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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