I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He did a backflip because drugs
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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