Can i not drive my cunt home
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
