I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
