i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
