Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
