I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
