Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
