just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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