He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
