I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
