First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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