Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
