she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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