what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
did you just send me my own nude
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
