omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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