Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
