hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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