That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
