you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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