party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
