who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
