Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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