wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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