I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
