Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
