I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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