It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
