Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
