I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Dignity is for republicans.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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