Just fell off a train. Bad.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
