In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
