Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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