Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
