An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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