im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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