I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
