SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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