We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Farmville is her only friend.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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