Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
