If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
