We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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